I am mid of the road

That problem happens again! I can't believe it. Now, even I am thinking a lot and trying to find the solution out but...nothing. I can not decide what I need, what I really want to do, what thing good for me. 1. English class: I love studying English but the more I love it, the more I want to continue studying that language. But I dont have enough money to pay for my tuition fee. I thought that my grammar, writing, listening were fallen down. I tried to practice but it didnt work. May be the major of reason is myself. I can not concentrate on anything. I become lazier and lazier. oh my god! 2. ABout my score: may be I am jealous of some people=,=. when I saw sometimes they got the high score than me. I am really useless. I am bad person!!!! Anyway, I will do my best and try my best to get the high score than now. Try to make a plan ( Oh, it may be hard but I will try), I need some motivation and now, after I had seen my score and my friend's score, I would try to study better.