LOL

1. walking ads
summers coming up. that means dresses are coming short and tank tops are going down.
you can call that hot, sexy, skanky, but I call it an ad for something that is not for sell.
its like at the club when you see a couple of girls dancing on each other getting pretty
sexual for an audience of a dominantly male crowd. a guy would undoubtedly approach her
from behind like a tiger on its prey. as soon as he comes in proximity of her body shes going to
pull this number: Look back a little, awkwardly laugh and dance walk to her friend. excuse me?
what just happened here? us simple guys got the basic signals: revealing clothing, intercourse
inspired dance moves, constant eye contact. and after a guy is rejected she's going to turn to her
friend and say, "Guys are such horny a**holes. i just came here to dance!" which is freaken
ironic of course because you can do that in the sanctity of your home in front of the mirror.

but its the same everywhere you are. at the mall, at your school, at your SAT hagwon, same
situation. shes going to walk by and drop her pencil in front of you in a tight pink
skirt and bend over to pick it up. she's going to catch you watching
and give you a face of utter disgust. the one where one side of her lip is twisted up to her nose
and her eyes are as big as ping pongs. then we feel bad about ourselves and feel like an old
pedophile. do you know what it feels like to feel like an old pedophile? it feels horrible like being
forced to watch Jonas Brothers in 3D. ouch

2. they never tell us when they're mad
man this one might be the worst of them all. i believe every girl deserves an oscar because
of their amazing performance when they are mad. a fact: there is no difference between a mad girl
and a happy girl. you could be with your girl for a week without knowing and then one day she's going
to say, "we need to talk." and we will cringe in our seats and our minds will race around trying to find
out what we did wrong, which is not possible because it was more than a week ago. on very rare
occasions girls will slip up. they will forget the act cause they are so angry inside. when this happens
you know, because they act more happier than usual in a psycho kind of way. and then we
automatically ask, "What's wrong? what did i do?" and they will say, "nothing," which is a death
sentence because if we had to ask, that means we don't even know.

3. they hate it when we hang out with our homeboys
all girlfriends have a mental list of approved friends their boyfriends can hang out with. girlfriends don't
mind when we hang out with friends. no worries there, but it becomes a problem when we hang out
with our homeboys. you know, the guys you grew up with, drinking every saturday night, sharing
our innermost secrets kind of deal. we all know how it works. you hang out with your homeboys
just one time one week and she will complain you hang out with them more than you hang out with her. that's the first clue.
the second clue is she's going to tell you that you are becoming "different" after you hang out with them.
the third is going be an ultimatum where you have to pick her or "them." unfortunately this is
where your loyalty with your homeboys falter and you choose the girl. now they have a problem
with you. the cycle will bounce back and forth more than the love triangle in Boys Over Flowers.

4. they can never keep secrets
man o man. can i get an amen? girls were not built to keep secrets. this is how girls deal with secrets:
"don't tell anyone" = just tell 5 people
pinky promise = just tell 4 people
"promise me you won't tell anyone" = 3 people
"if you tell anyone, we aren't friends anymore" = 2 people
"i'm going to die if you tell anyone" = 1 person

this is old news though, all guys know girls can never keep secrets, so the only time
we want to tell a secret to a girl is if we want everyone to know and for that we just have to say
"don't tell anyone" and the process will guarantee everyone will know by tuesday. is it really that hard
keep quiet? apparently it is because Korean moms are literally the queens of gossip in the underground
gossiping world. don't you hate it when you come home from school and your mom's been on the phone
for hours talking to her friends about everything? especially when it's about you. haha

5. they take forever to get ready
why did i choose this for number 5? because i been screwed over by this so many times. so many times
i had to be at so many places at all the right times but NooOooOo (in a sarcastic voice), her hair wouldn't start,
she got a cut from shaving, she was thinking about her dead cat, she had to finish the last episode
of America's Next Top Model, she was filing her nails, she was trying out four outfits, she was putting lotion on one drop
at a time, she used the wrong color for make up, blah blah blah. must i go on? that fact is, guys get ready in 5 minutes prior to leaving.
girls on the other hand, start getting ready 5 minutes prior to when we are supposed to leave. they soooo think the world
revolves around them  and that guys are very patient. both are very wrong