Sorry mom, dad! I failed your dream... After 6 years of striving, still, I was unable to fulfill it, the last step! Just like my own project, I failed, miserably failed after times and times of trying!

Sorry brother! I did not call you on your own birthday! Were you waiting for my call? I know I am such a coward for keep running and hiding. I wanted to smile and wish you a happy birthday, but again, I'm so ashamed of myself to even call anyone in the family. What have I done for the last 6 years but wasting our family's money, time, and hope? Dad's and mom's birthdays are coming and yet, I don't even have that kind of courage to call them, just like this time! I wish I could have the strength to go on, to be brave, to face the reality but I guess I am only a coward! So, here I am, wishing for a room of my own, to groan for my failure, to hide from everyone!

Xmas is here right now and I couldn't call anyone... I'm so scared that they would ask me for the result? What should I tell them? Oh, I'm on the waiting list... What is that waiting list good for when there are only 190 seats available and they would certainly accept 220? I just don't want to fall anymore!  Falling from my own illusion, what could be funnier than that?

Tonight, T cursed me for insulting him!  Sorry T, sorry honey... I should just be quiet or better, I should just keep myself away from all honey and friend get togethers... I'm not good for anything or anyone or maybe, I'm only good at hurting people feeling.. What's a strength!